Time: Fri Jul 25 14:49:48 1997
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Date: Fri, 25 Jul 1997 13:55:29 -0700
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: Courtroom Humor (fwd)

<snip>
>
>Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, 
>
>the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys 
>during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful 
>witnesses.
>  1.  "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
>       he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>
>  2.  "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
>
>  3.  "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
> 
>  4.  "Were you alone or by yourself?"
>
>  5.  "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
>
>  6.  "Did he kill you?"
>
>  7.  "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
>
>  8.  "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
>
>  9.  "How many times have you committed suicide?"
>
> 10.  Q:  "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
>      A:  "Yes."
>      Q:  "And what were you doing at that time?"
>
> 11.  Q:  "She had three children, right?"
>      A:  "Yes."
>      Q:  "How many were boys?"
>      A:  "None."
>      Q:  "Were there any girls?"
>
> 12.  Q:  "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
>      A:  "Yes."
>      Q:  "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
>
> 13.  Q:  "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, 
>           didn't you?"
>      A:  "I went to Europe, Sir."
>      Q:  "And you took your new wife?"
>
> 14.  Q:  "How was your first marriage terminated?"
>      A:  "By death."
>      Q:  "And by who's death was it terminated?"
>
> 15.  Q:  "Can you describe the individual?"
>      A:  "He was about medium height and had a beard."
>      Q:  "Was this a male, or a female?"
>
> 16.  Q:  "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
>           deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
>      A:  "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
>
> 17.  Q:  "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
>           people?"
>      A:  All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
>
> 18.  Q:  "All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did
>           you go to?"
>      A:  "Oral."
>
> 19.  Q:  "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
>      A:  "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
>      Q:  "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
>      A:  "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
>           doing an autopsy."
>
> 20.  Q:  "You were not shot in the fracas?"
>      A:  "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel."
> 
>21.  Q:  "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
>     A:  "I have been since early childhood."
>
>===============================================
>
>Have a Nice Day :o)
>
>
>
>

========================================================================
Paul Andrew Mitchell                 : Counselor at Law, federal witness
B.A., Political Science, UCLA;  M.S., Public Administration, U.C. Irvine

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