Time: Tue Oct 14 08:02:14 1997
by primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with ESMTP id HAA23106;
Tue, 14 Oct 1997 07:59:11 -0700 (MST)
by usr01.primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id HAA29710;
Tue, 14 Oct 1997 07:53:37 -0700 (MST)
Date: Tue, 14 Oct 1997 07:52:50 -0700
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: Gun Control (Car Control) parody (fwd)
Hilarious!!
1-800-BAN-CARS !!!!!!!
<snip>
>
> THE DANGERS OF AUTOMOBILES
>
>- Did you know that automobiles are used in 100% of the drive-by
>shootings in America, according to the FBI?
>
>- Did you know that automobile accidents and homicides claim over
>28,000 lives per year? In two years this casualty total exceeds that
>of the ENTIRE Vietnam War.
>
>- Did you know that there is NO state-mandated waiting period to
>puchase an automobile? And that you may purchase AS MANY automobiles
>as you wish in any month?
>
>- Did you know that importation of 'assault' sports-cars, IS STILL
>LEGAL IN THIS COUNTRY? These assault-cars usually have engine capacity
>in excess of 6 cylinders and are capable of speeds of 120 MPH (or
>more) and serve no useful driving purpose.
>
>- Did you know that there are NO restrictions on owning FULLY
>AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSIONS...?! These transmissions are the preferred
>gear-shifting method of criminals and gangsters everywhere!
>
>- Did you know that there is NO criminal background check before
>purchasing a car? That you can go into any sleazy car dealers and
>purchase a snub-nose 'Saturday Night Special' Sub-Compact Economy
>car on nothing more than a signature, if you have the money?
>
>THE BLOODSHED MUST STOP! WE MUST *TAKE* *BACK* OUR STREETS!
>No more, will we sit idly by as our young people crash into one
>another and kill one another with depraved indifference to human
>life. Not one more innocent bystander shall be mowed-down by an
>out-of-control driver who 'snaps'!
>
>Now, there is a group dedicated to controlling and eventually banning
>the automobile:
>AUTOMOBILE CONTROL INC
>
>Our goals are straightforward:
>
>1) A national 7-day waiting period before a car may be delivered,
>after purchase
>
>2) Total bans on all 'assault' sport cars.
>
>3) Total bans on all snubnose 'Saturday Night Special' Sub-Compact cars.
>
>4) Eventually, a total ban on all automobiles
>
>Let me introduce our spokesperson, Sarah Brainless.
>
>Sarah: "You may know my husband, Jim Brainless. During the attempted
>assassination of The President, Jim was hit in head by an out-of-control
>car...and..(sniff)...well, he's (sniff) never been the same since...
>(sniff, sniff, HONNNKK). So I dedicated the rest of my life to banning
>this evil object, the automobile. I know that there are a bunch of groups
>who will fight back against my efforts, such as the AAA. These whackos
>would like to see a car in every garage! ...and those Merchants of Death
>themselves, the Big Three carmakers... "As you know, the AAA claims that
>there is a constitutional right to travel. Well, I dispute that - If you
>read the whole amendment like WE do, it is clear that the founding
>fathers only intended that ORGANIZED MILITIA may be allowed to travel...
>it is NOT to be construed as an individual right to travel!"
>
>If you join Automobile Control Inc, we will send you the following:
>
>- A really neat pin that shows a car with a red line through it.
>
>- A fact sheet that dispels the myths of those who would argue for
>the owning cars.
>
>- A subscription to One Cylinder Short, the magazine that reflects
>the goals of ACI.
>
>- A really boffo bumper sticker that says "This car should be banned."
>
>Call: 1-800-BAN-CARS. Have a credit card ready.
>--
>Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
>
<snip>
===========================================================================
Paul Andrew Mitchell, Sui Juris : Counselor at Law, federal witness 01
B.A.: Political Science, UCLA; M.S.: Public Administration, U.C.Irvine 02
tel: (520) 320-1514: machine; fax: (520) 320-1256: 24-hour/day-night 03
email: [address in tool bar] : using Eudora Pro 3.0.3 on 586 CPU 04
website: http://supremelaw.com : visit the Supreme Law Library now 05
ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776 : this is free speech, at its best 06
Tucson, Arizona state : state zone, not the federal zone 07
Postal Zone 85719/tdc : USPS delays first class w/o this 08
_____________________________________: Law is authority in written words 09
As agents of the Most High, we came here to establish justice. We shall 10
not leave, until our mission is accomplished and justice reigns eternal. 11
======================================================================== 12
[This text formatted on-screen in Courier 11, non-proportional spacing.] 13
Return to Table of Contents for
Supreme Law School: E-mail