Time: Sat Mar 15 12:58:14 1997
	by primenet.com (8.8.5/8.8.5) with SMTP id KAA06161;
	Sat, 15 Mar 1997 10:52:42 -0700 (MST)
Date: Sat, 15 Mar 1997 12:56:28 -0800
To: (Recipient list suppressed)
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: SLS: IRS letter :-) (fwd)

<snip>
>Subject: I'm Stuck with the Kids -- A Frustrated Taxpayer Writes the IRS
>
>[Editor's Note: Sometimes a story comes to our attention that needs no
>polishing or enhancement to make it a good Block tax story. This is one of
>those. It is a real letter submitted to the IRS in the midst of last year's
>weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions, and credits. We believe
>the letter speaks for itself.]
>
>Dear Sirs:
>
>I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three
>dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have
>questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil
>and expensive.
>
>It's only fair that since they are minors and not my responsibility that
>the government (who evidently is taxing me more to care for these waifs)
>knows something about them and what to expect over the next year. You may
>apply next year to reassign them to me and reinstate the deduction.
>
>This year they are yours!
>
>The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put
>her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about
>their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper
>her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze;
>Next year she is going to college. I think it's wonderful that you will now
>be responsible for that little expense. While you mull that over keep in
>mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment so you have the
>immediate decision of appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix
>the vehicle or getting up early to drive her to school. Kristen also has a
>boyfriend. Oh joy. While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe,
>her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of the
>virtues of abstinence, and in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex.
>This is always uncomfortable and I am quite relieved you will be handling
>this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate Joycelyn Elders, who
>had a rather good handle on the problem.
>
>Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little
>close together for normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself one day
>if you do not incarcerate him first. In February I was awakened at three in
>the morning by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his
>friends were TP'ing houses. In the future would you like him delivered to
>the local IRS office or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything on
>a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what's the big
>deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll have plenty of time as he is sitting
>out a few days of school after instigating a food fight. I'll take care of
>filing your phone number with the vice principal. Oh yes, he and all of his
>friends have raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will
>be much more peaceful when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave any of them
>unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, inflatables, vehicles,
>or telephones. (I'm sure that you will find telephones a source of
>unimaginable amusement, and be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!)
>
>Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared quite by
>magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She came
>from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals,
>and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately you will be raising my
>taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. Hooked On
>Phonics is expensive so the schools dropped it. Good news! You can buy it
>yourself for half the amount of the deduction that you are denying! It's
>quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask the other two) so they
>have helped raise this one to a new level of terror. She cannot speak
>English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois she
>fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the hood/reggae/yuppie/political
>doublespeak. I don't. The school sends her to a speech pathologist who has
>her roll her R's. It added a refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice.
>She wears hats backwards, pants baggy and wants one of her ears pierced
>four more times. There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me but I
>am sure that you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, as
>she sort of "nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move
>the entire thing than find out what it is really made of.
>
>You denied two of the three exemptions so it is only fair you get to pick
>which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest, I still go
>bankrupt with Kristen's college but then I am free! If you take the two
>oldest then I still have time for counseling before Heather becomes a
>teenager. If you take the two girls then I won't feel so bad about putting
>Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your decision as soon
>as possible as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 to cover
>the $395 in additional tax and to make a down payment on an airplane.
>
>Yours Truly,
>Bob
>
>
>Note:  The taxpayer in question added this caveat at a later date:
>            "Rats, they sent me the refund and allowed the deductions."
>
>Our response: "Gee Bob, sometimes you just can't get a break."
>
>
>========================================================================
>To subscribe: send a message to the fwolist@hollyent.com
>with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject/topic field.  Use UNSUBSCRIBE to
>remove yourself from the list. Questions/comments/problems?
>    email: Not Moderated@hollyent.com or listmgmt@hollyent.com
>For information about this system and its lists email: info@hollyent.com
>  Help to save your liberties! mailto:info@hollyent.com SUBJECT: bernie
>======================================================================== 
>via: Sportsman's Paradise~~Online 602-922-1639 - www.hollyent.com
>
>
>
>

========================================================================
Paul Andrew, Mitchell, B.A., M.S.    : Counselor at Law, federal witness
email:       [address in tool bar]   : Eudora Pro 3.0.1 on Intel 586 CPU
web site:  http://www.supremelaw.com : library & law school registration
ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776 : this is free speech,  at its best
             Tucson, Arizona state   : state zone,  not the federal zone
             Postal Zone 85719/tdc   : USPS delays first class  w/o this
========================================================================


      


Return to Table of Contents for

Supreme Law School:   E-mail