Time: Mon Nov 04 15:27:27 1996
To: "Marcia H. Armstrong" <siskfarm@snowcrest.net>
From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar]
Subject: Reality Check (no bounce)
Cc: 
Bcc: 

Dear Marcia,

Your long message is much too beautiful
to get a short answer, but I am on a 
roll at the moment, and it has a lot
to do with the "mission" (the impossible
one, you know).  Please give me a chance
to immerse myself in your kind and gentle
words, like a deep, warm, bubble bath.

I am still recovering from my walk to
breakfast this morning, when I could not
stop weeping for all the people who have
died, and will die, because of the
innoculations they received on their way
to Desert Storm.  I also had to meet a
former policeman at lunch, to talk business.

God is bringing in people to protect me,
but I must go forward.  This "island"
hemisphere is under covert invasion, and
we are slowly getting the upper hand.

The next 4 months are going to tell a lot.

Keep praying, and God's will for us will
always be the very best thing we could
ever hope for each other.  You must rely
upon your faith, with utter abandon, at
these moments.  It is the best thing going
right now.  You might also pray that God
brings some money into my life, just to
avoid the inevitable worries that creep
in when bills aren't getting paid.

/s/ Paul Mitchell

P.S.  You are a wonderful woman, Marcia.
Can you repeat that to yourself, after
you have heard it from someone who knows,
and say it to someone who does not?

At 01:47 PM 11/4/96 -0800, you wrote:
>At 11:22 PM 11/3/96 -0800, you wrote:
>>>Dear Paul:
>>
>>>Help ! I am feeling very
>>>uncomfortable with the mixture
>>>of your activist agenda with 
>>>our correspondence off LLAW. 
>>>
>(snipped for brevity)
>
>>I will, but you need to give
>>me some guidelines, because I do
>>not know you well enough to
>>appreciate *where* your "gut muscles"
>>are not set for the punch.
>>Fair enough?  I am a Warrior, Marcia,
>>and my "weapon" is my computer.  I am
>>fighting for the children, yours of
>>course, and everyone else's.
>
>(As you ask, I will give you some 
>examples as parameters when I am 
>on my home computer.)

Good.  I need a little time to
change gears anyway.  You have
more important things to do also
during the rest of your day.

  
>
>>You need to ask yourself if you 
>>can get enough security from me
>>to maintain a close relationship.
>>That may be an ongoing problem,
>>both financial and emotional.
>
>On the personal level, I can say that
>there are times in our correspondence
>that I have received more "emotional"
>support than I have ever experienced 
>from anyone through talk in my entire 
>life. 
>
>It was as though you were this calm trusted
>internal voice guiding me safely through 
>exploration of my inner self and life.
>
>As for financial support; I have worked
>since I was 16 - full time since 23, with
>time-out only for babies and the gift of 
>two years given to me out of love by someone
>who was emotionally incapable of carrying such
>a load. I have been self-supportive and have 
>supported dependents, including my spouse. At
>times, I earned far more than my spouse. 
>
>I must admit that I am currently fighting
>from slipping into greater and greater poverty. 
>I do love my home, but may face the fact that
>I will have to sell it and downsize and, perhaps,
>downsize again over my life. It is a problem 
>I keep "turning over," but does not appear to 
>get fixed. (Which usually means it is not meant to.)
>
>I ask for no financial support from anyone. And
>I am unprepared to offer it to anyone but my 
>children - to the best of my resources.
>
>I must admit that in the back of my mind, I 
>would love a rich man to ride up on his 
>white charger and sweep my problems away. The
>kind that doesn't exact obligations as part 
>of the deal. The kind who just freely wants to
>take care of you because he wants to, not because
>he's expected to, or that its a pride-thing or
>that he wants to "own" you. 
>
>About a year ago, I went to my parent's 50th
>Anniversary. The families gathered at Bend 
>Oregon, which is a yuppies resort. My sister 
>and her husband and two kids and me and mine and
>my parents were all in the same house. 
>
>There were wonderful boutiques, white water rafting, 
>bicycling, restaurants and all the other things I
>couldn't afford. My mother bought us new clothes and
>my parents paid for the house and some activities. 
>(I haven't purchased any new clothes since 1994 and
>they grow so fast.) I felt so bad, but knew it was 
>my pride and to accept gratefully and with humility.
>My kids reacted by rejecting some of the proffered
>expensive activities and going with me to 
>the park museum, the observatory, shooting baskets, 
>walking around and doing things that were cheap.
>
>It seems I always have to say no to them.
>They know this and make it easier on me. I am 
>so proud that my son has a weekend job at the age
>of 14 1/2, is responsible and mature and will be 
>able to take care of himself. 
>
>My daughter works two jobs while she goes to 
>college, but had to do so on scholarships and 
>grants and a bit of help from my folks. 
>      
>>Because of vicious lies which 
>>have been circulated, namely,
>>that I am some kind of deep cover
>>operative, I have been stiffed big
>>time by almost every clients during the
>>past 8 months:  $10,000 from Elizabeth
>>Broderick;  $3,000 from Sheila Wallen;
>>$10,000 from The Freedom Center in
>>Billings;  $1,200 from a colleague;
>>$2,000 + many damages from New Life
>>Health Center Company (FBI lied there,
>>to scuttle my legal strategy, soon to
>>be published, if I can find an investor).  
>>If there is a pattern, it is that the
>>opposition must resort to sabotage,
>>which they know how to do very very well.
>>Just witness the results.  IRS absconded
>>with $4,000 from a bank account which 
>>was being used to deposit advance wholesale
>>payments for The Federal Zone (4 @ $1,000
>>to pay for 100 copies each, drop-shipped
>>from the factory).  We are very slowly
>>moving against the bank:  Wells Fargo 
>>in California, for deprivation of 
>>fundamental Rights under color of law.
>>U.S. v. O'Dell says the bank must be
>>presented with a warrant of distraint.
>
>I am sorry that this has happened to you. 
>
>>Anyway, the Spirit is now informing me
>>that my steel is being tempered, because
>>I am right on target.  So, ask yourself
>>how much security you really need, and
>>then make an objective assessment as to
>>whether you could ever secure same from
>>me, given what you already know. 
>
>I need to remind *myself* that my only 
>security comes in my relationship with 
>God in Christ. As an alcoholic, I cannot 
>afford resentments or pride. (HALT -
>hunger; anger; loneliness; and tiredness
>are vulnerable conditions for me.) They are the 
>poisons of the soul. I must remind myself
>to remain in a place of humility in my 
>ego and in my expectations of myslef and 
>others in order to be capable of receiving
>grace, appreciative of the wonder of it and
>capable of giving love.
>
>>I owe it to my father to walk in his shadow.
>>Have I shared with you the essay entited,
>>"We Took That Mountain"?
>
>Yes, Paul, I have kept it.
> 
>/s/ Paul Mitchell
>
>/s/ Paul Mitchell
>
>Marcia A. 
>>
>=============================================
>Paul Andrew, Mitchell, B.A., M.S.:  pmitch@primenet.com                  
>ship to: c/o 2509 N. Campbell, #1776, Tucson, Arizona state
>===========================================================
>
>
>
      


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