Time: Tue Nov 26 06:13:57 1996 To: From: Paul Andrew Mitchell [address in tool bar] Subject: late 20th century computing (was "Trekkie Joke") Cc: Bcc: Electra Briggs, Liberty Law >From: liberty@hollyent.com >Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 04:08:18 -0700 >Subject: Re: Trekkie Joke >To: pmitch@primenet.com > >================[ Distributed Message ]================ > ListServer: liberty (BRASSROOTS Liberty Watch Listserver) > Type: Not Moderated > Distributed on: 26-NOV-96, 04:07:28 >Original Written by: IN:pmurphy@rtd.com. >======================================================= > > >Thank you so very much, HotLead, but I'm baffled by your address. Who are >you? Not that I care, mind you. I loved it! > >Forgive my ignorance, > >Phil >-- >Star Trek Lost Episode > ><Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at >finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access >their command pathways?" > ><Geordi>"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through >our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology." > ><Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. > ><Riker looks puzzled.> "What the heck is 'Microsoft'?" > ><Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, >for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once >inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources >at an unstoppable rate." > ><Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their >processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" > ><Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new >version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases >exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt >quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken >over and none will be available for their normal operational functions." > ><Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable >geometric shape' idea." > >. . . . 15 Minutes Later . . . . > ><Data> "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the >command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. >We however have not received any confirmation of the expected >'upgrade'." > ><Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU >capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to >compensate for their increase." > ><Picard> "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is >something we have missed." > ><Data> "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the >'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by >not sending in their registration cards. > ><Riker> "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin >emergency escape sequence 3F . . ." > ><Geordi, excited> "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has >suddenly dropped to 0% !" > ><Picard> "Data, what does your scanners show?" > ><Data> "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module >named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." > ><Picard> "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their >functionality." > >. . . . Two Hours Pass . . . . > ><Riker> "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?" > ><Geordi> "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to >compensate >> for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully >increase resources I have set-up our closest deep space monitor beacon to >transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft >fun-pack'. > ><Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?" > ><Data> "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest >time span of 6 more hours." > ><Geordi> "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." > ><Picard> "Identify." > ><Data> "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo" > ><Over the speakers> "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT >FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE >IN THIS >SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 >SECONDS" > ><Data> "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released >thousands of humanoid shaped objects." > ><Picard> "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft" > ><Riker> "Good grief, captain! Those are humans floating straight toward >the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the >tortures of deep space ?!" > ><Data> "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look >closer, I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized >by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing >Armani suits" > ><Riker and Picard together horrified> "Lawyers !!" > ><Geordi> "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling >into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." > ><Data> "True, but apparently some must have survived." > ><Riker> "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all >types of papers." > ><Data> "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape'. It >often proves fatal." > ><Riker> "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !" > ><Picard> "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the >Borg deserve that." >-- > >"-- We are not Borg. > -- We have not been assimilated. > -- Resistance is not futile. > -- We are the Libertarian Party." > -- Something on the back of a > former congressional candidate's > purple shirt... > >... Not that I'm saying who that might be, you understand. > >Phil ;-} > > >======================================================================== >To subscribe: send a message to the Liberty@hollyent.com >with the word SUBSCRIBE in the subject/topic field. Use UNSUBSCRIBE to >remove yourself from the list. Questions/comments/problems? > email: Not Moderated@hollyent.com or listmgmt@hollyent.com >For information about this system and its lists email: info@hollyent.com >======================================================================== >via: Holly Enterprises 602-922-1639 - www.hollyent.com > > >
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